Seven Truths for Struggling Singles (part 2 of 7)

 

All healthy men, ancient and modern, Eastern and Western, 

know that there is a certain fury in sex that we cannot afford to inflame, 

and that a certain mystery and awe must ever surround it if we are to remain sane.

GK Chesterton

Ok. Let's get right to it.

Last week we considered the first truth to consider if you are single, and don't want to be. It was hard, but clear - you can learn contentment.

Now let's deal with the second truth. And, if you thought contentment was impossible, buckle your seat belts.  For in this post we go where most singles (and marrieds, and young, and old, and rich, and poor, etc) think they could never go.

Yep. Self-control.

Let's talk about it first, then let's end with the hope & power of the gospel.

2. You can exercise self-control.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  
And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 5. 22-24 

For most singles, self-control seems ... impossible! Day after day, he or she is assaulted by images from the media that inflame desire, inner thoughts that stir deep longings, side comments that bruise and chafe, and glances that seem to quicken the pulse and deaden resolve.

For many, the question that plagues them is this - is there any hope beyond the usual cycle of giving in ... feeling guilty ... repenting ... giving in again ... feeling guilty again ... repenting again ...?


Yes. The Bible promises that those who are indwelt by God's Spirit can (and will) evidence the fruit of the Spirit. And part of the fruit is self-control.

That's right. Self-control.

In speaking about sexual immorality, the apostle Paul writes ...

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

I Corinthians 6.12 

Other versions use the words "enslaved" or "mastered". 

Paul is taking a common saying in the culture of his day, "All things are lawful for me", and exposing the lie underneath.  He aims his weapon of truth at the claim, "I can do anything I want", and exposes it for what it is - poison masquerading as medicine. 

Or guilt-ridden bondage wearing the mask of true freedom.

Consider this - who loves food more: a ravenous glutton, or a discerning eater? You see, one (the glutton) is a slave to his habit and appetite. The other experiences true joy and freedom. He knows when to eat, and when to pass. He knows the best meal comes at the right time, in the right way.

So it is with our sexuality. 

Sadly, though, for many singles the call to self-control seems stifling. In the midst of their discouragement, they turn to Paul's words to the church at Corinth (quoted below) and conclude, "See, even the Bible knows I can't do it! And I do plan to get married, but not now! So, what do I do now with my longings?"

To the unmarried ... I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7. 8-9

I have found a quote by John Piper to be helpful:

The very concept of self-control implies a battle between a divided self. It implies that our 'self' produces desires we should not satisfy but instead 'control'. We should deny ourselves and take up our cross daily, Jesus says, and follow Him. Daily our self produces desires that should be denied or controlled.

The key to exercising self-control is just that - exercising. Just like a muscle that is exercised becomes stronger and more resilient, so it is with self-control. 

So, how do you exercise self-control?

a. Consider carefully what you wear. Ladies, do you dress to attract the attention of others, or to honor God? Men, do you dress in a way that attracts attention and exhibits your body, or is your goal to honor God?

b. Diligently monitor what you watch. Most singles are much more attached to sensuality than they think. What do you watch on TV or cable? What do your eyes linger on while on Facebook. As you walk through your day, do you avert your eyes in moments of temptation, or do you steal a second glance? David writes in Psalm 101.3, "I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless." Can you say the same?

c. Ruthlessly guard what you ponder. As your lay in bed at night, or in the early morning hours, what do you allow your mind to dwell on? Is it thoughts of forbidden people, past encounters, fantasy settings? Or do you dwell on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure ..." (Philippians 4. 8). Solomon writes in Proverbs 23.7, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is." What do you think on?

d. Zealously consider your patterns. For many, self-control is not lost in the "big" battles, but in the small skirmishes of each day. Here are some questions to expose your habits:

• Do you avoid suggestive or flirtatious conversations, even in jest?
• Are you careful about touching members of the opposite sex, even in seemingly "innocent" ways (like a backrub, or prolonged hug)?
• Have you acknowledged what the "difficult" times of the day are for you, and prepared accordingly (i.e. switching off your phone late at night to avoid surfing or texting; sitting in the front of class to avoid a wandering eye).

Let's end with the hope of the gospel. I know I need it (and so do you)!

Run, John, run, the law commands
But gives us neither feet nor hands,
Far better news the gospel brings:
It bids us fly and gives us wings
- See more at: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/07/27/run-john-run/#sthash.fJSTMWQF.dpuf

Run, John, run, the law commands,

But gives us neither feet nor hands.

Far grander news the gospel brings,

It bids us fly and gives us wings.

attributed to John Bunyan

  
John Bunyan hit the nail on the head with these verses. 

It often seems as if God asks the impossible. I mean, self-control in a sex-saturated culture?! Doesn't He realize what I am assaulted with every day, in my mind, in my flesh?!

How can God expect self-control? Its like asking me to fly!

Yes! The gospel asks you to fly, AND it gives you wings.

If you are a Christian, the Spirit of God is in you. That's right. In you. Right now. And that Spirit of God is a Spirit of self-control. 

This is not a hopeless battle. Jesus Christ entered into it for you, and gave Himself to pay for all your times (and my times) when self-control crashed and burned in pursuit of momentary pleasure. 

Despite all your past sins, present struggles, and future failures, you are forgiven!

Now, go live as one who is forgiven!

As you face temptation, you can say to it, "You have no power over me. If God is for me, nothing can be against me." And in that moment, you can, by the power of God, exercise self-control.

The key, as always, is simple - repent, and belive in the gospel.

So, go ahead, take hold of the gospel. Go fly.