Men Vs. Boys: 8 Critical Differences

Let's face it, our culture (and our churches & fellowships) are full of them. We call them "men" but, in reality, they are "boys". That's right - boys in (sometimes) grown-up clothes.

They spend their days playing little games. Little games on the computer. Little games in relationships. Little games on their phones. Little games in their minds.

They have their grown-up toys, their grown-up diversions, their "adult" past-times, their little hobbies, their "men dens" (or playrooms).

It may be an addiction to computer games, an obsession with fantasy football, a preoccupation with the opposite sex, a longing for free time, a habit of "sleeping in". Oh, the list goes on and on and on ...

No one's going to catch me and make me a man!

I want to be a little boy and have fun!

Peter Pan

Whatever they (or you) may call it, anyone who understand God's call to manhood knows what it really is. Boyhood. Plain and (painfully) simple.

Psalm 51, written by King David after his disastrous relationship with Bathsheba, exposes the heart of man who has finally been rescued from boyhood.

As we study it briefly, consider this ...

Ladies - is this type of man you are looking for, or have you settled for a boy?

Men - do you long to grow up, and be the man God destined you to be?

Psalm 51

A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.
Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
    blot out my transgressions.
² Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
    and cleanse me from my sin!

³ For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is ever before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
    and blameless in your judgment.
⁵ Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
    and in sin did my mother conceive me.
⁶ Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
    and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

⁷ Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
    wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins,
    and blot out all my iniquities.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right spirit within me.
¹¹ Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    and sinners will return to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
    O God of my salvation,
    and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
¹⁵ O Lord, open my lips,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
    you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

¹⁸ Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
    build up the walls of Jerusalem;
¹⁹ then will you delight in right sacrifices,
    in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
    then bulls will be offered on your altar.

8 Critical Differences Between A Man and A Boy

1.  A boy thinks he is a natural hero; a man knows he is a rescued sinner.

While a boy loves to fantasize about his own greatness, a man has given up all illusions - he knows that he is a sinner, through and through. 

Note the theme of verses 1-3 - "... my transgressions ... my sin ... I know my transgressions ... my sin is ever before me." What utter honesty! What courage! In a culture in which self-esteem is cherished, David pictures for us a man who has rejected the illusion of his own goodness. Rather, he begins with the humble admission of who he really is - a sinner.


2. A boy lives to please everyone (but mostly himself); a man understands that his primary audience is God. 

The cry of a boy is familiar, "Who wants to play with me?", "Who wants to be my friend?" A boy plays and lives for whatever audience gains him the greatest applause and payback in the moment.

But verse 4 captures the focus of a man - "Against you, you only, have I sinned  ... in your sight." Its clear, a man lives for one audience - God. He realizes that how he lives his life, how he conducts his day, how he interacts with others, what he dwells on with his mind, what he does with his hands ... all are done in the sight of God. One thought often occupies his thinking, "How can I honor God?"


3. A boy has honed the skill of blaming others and excusing himself; a man welcomes responsibility, accountability, and even blame.

Listen to a boy, and you'll hear it repeated all-too often, "Not me." "I didn't do it." "Wasn't my fault."

Note so with a man. Again, note the repetition in verses 1-3 - "my transgressions, my iniquity ... my sin ... I sinned ..." No blame-shifting here! No hiding here! David pictures a man from whom the illusion of self-righteousness has been stripped away, and in its place is utter, overwhelming (almost embarassing) humility.


4. A boy delights in playing games and having "fun"; a man delights in knowing truth and gaining wisdom.

A boy loves to be busy with trivial things. At the end of the day, he is exhausted from ... well, its often hard to tell!

But a man finds great delight, even joy, in maturity, learning, and growing. His eyes are on the things of God, and he longs for the next opportunity that God puts before him. As he does this, a man reflects God - "... you delight in truth ... you teach me wisdom." (vs. 6). 

A man knows that we always do what we delight to do, and God has so worked in him that he delights in wisdom and truth. Therefore, nothing and no one can keep him from it.


5. A boy lives for happiness; a man labors for joy.

A boy lives for the moment. His goal is to be happy. It really doesn't matter how it happens, or how long it lasts, but he wants it. Now.

Verses 7-12 paint a radically different picture. As David was forgiven and freed from the temporary "happiness" of an adulterous affair, he discovered the lasting joy of salvation. "Restore to me the joy of your salvation." No longer were his emotions chained to the events surrounding him; rather, they were tethered to the reality of his standing before God. The fruit of this joy was stability in hard times, patience in affliction, and hope amidst discouragement.


6. A boy's life cries out, "Me!"; a man's life proclaims, "Others!".

A boy is concerned about ... being a boy. His days are spent on his pursuits, his interests, his passions. The ultimate test of any task or event for a boy - how did it make him feel?

Not so a man. 

As David experiences the joy of his salvation, his immediate thought is for others. He declares (in verse 13), "Then I will teach transgressors your ways ..." As a godly man, David showed an eagerness to invest in others, not for his own gain, but because of what he had gained from the Lord. A man's energy is spent in pouring out his life in service to others.


7. A boy's words are quickly (and easily) forgotten; a man's words are precious and treasured.

Thomas Watson (a Puritan pastor) once wrote, "Most people talk the way a child scribbles - aimlessly." Ouch! When a boy talks, you often hope it will end quickly (and painlessly).

As David considered his words, he prayed, "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise." (vs. 15) David longed to have his mouth full of God's praise, and the overflow of his tongue be words of life. A man knows that his greatest asset (and most potent weapon) is his tongue, and he longs for it to be used to bring healing, wisdom, and grace.



8. A boy finds great delight in boyhood; a man finds great delight in being a man ... of God.

A boy never wants boyhood to end. Weekends are always too short, summer vacations pass too quickly, games never seem to last long enough! Wahhh!


A man understands the wisdom and attraction of what Paul wrote ...

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. 
When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

! Corinthians 13. 11

Though thankful to the Lord for the season of boyhood, a man realizes it had one overriding purpose - to prepare him for the future. And so to godly manhood he eagerly, humbly, and gratefully strains.

 When David's time to die drew near, he commanded Solomon his son, saying, “I am about to go the way of all the earth. Be strong, and show yourself a man, and keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules, and his testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn...

1 Kings 2. 1-3 

Ladies, as you look at the men around you, are you clear on the difference between a "man" and a "boy"? As a husband, father, and former boy, may I plead with you? Do not marry a boy (unless, that is, you really want to be a mom, and not a wife, partner, or help-mate)!

Men, put away childish things! In a culture in which boyhood is celebrated and coveted, long for the things of God. Embrace maturity, strive hard after responsibility, labor at wisdom. Christ in you is the hope of glory (Colossians 1.27). Live in that reality!

And Jesus, the true and perfect God-Man, will, through the power of His cross and resurrection in your life, transform you and use you. Remember, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation - the old is gone, the new has come (2 Cor. 5.17).

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand!

All other ground is sinking sand!

Edward Mote (1834)

Seven Truths for Struggling Singles (part 2 of 7)

 

All healthy men, ancient and modern, Eastern and Western, 

know that there is a certain fury in sex that we cannot afford to inflame, 

and that a certain mystery and awe must ever surround it if we are to remain sane.

GK Chesterton

Ok. Let's get right to it.

Last week we considered the first truth to consider if you are single, and don't want to be. It was hard, but clear - you can learn contentment.

Now let's deal with the second truth. And, if you thought contentment was impossible, buckle your seat belts.  For in this post we go where most singles (and marrieds, and young, and old, and rich, and poor, etc) think they could never go.

Yep. Self-control.

Let's talk about it first, then let's end with the hope & power of the gospel.

2. You can exercise self-control.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  
And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 5. 22-24 

For most singles, self-control seems ... impossible! Day after day, he or she is assaulted by images from the media that inflame desire, inner thoughts that stir deep longings, side comments that bruise and chafe, and glances that seem to quicken the pulse and deaden resolve.

For many, the question that plagues them is this - is there any hope beyond the usual cycle of giving in ... feeling guilty ... repenting ... giving in again ... feeling guilty again ... repenting again ...?


Yes. The Bible promises that those who are indwelt by God's Spirit can (and will) evidence the fruit of the Spirit. And part of the fruit is self-control.

That's right. Self-control.

In speaking about sexual immorality, the apostle Paul writes ...

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.

I Corinthians 6.12 

Other versions use the words "enslaved" or "mastered". 

Paul is taking a common saying in the culture of his day, "All things are lawful for me", and exposing the lie underneath.  He aims his weapon of truth at the claim, "I can do anything I want", and exposes it for what it is - poison masquerading as medicine. 

Or guilt-ridden bondage wearing the mask of true freedom.

Consider this - who loves food more: a ravenous glutton, or a discerning eater? You see, one (the glutton) is a slave to his habit and appetite. The other experiences true joy and freedom. He knows when to eat, and when to pass. He knows the best meal comes at the right time, in the right way.

So it is with our sexuality. 

Sadly, though, for many singles the call to self-control seems stifling. In the midst of their discouragement, they turn to Paul's words to the church at Corinth (quoted below) and conclude, "See, even the Bible knows I can't do it! And I do plan to get married, but not now! So, what do I do now with my longings?"

To the unmarried ... I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7. 8-9

I have found a quote by John Piper to be helpful:

The very concept of self-control implies a battle between a divided self. It implies that our 'self' produces desires we should not satisfy but instead 'control'. We should deny ourselves and take up our cross daily, Jesus says, and follow Him. Daily our self produces desires that should be denied or controlled.

The key to exercising self-control is just that - exercising. Just like a muscle that is exercised becomes stronger and more resilient, so it is with self-control. 

So, how do you exercise self-control?

a. Consider carefully what you wear. Ladies, do you dress to attract the attention of others, or to honor God? Men, do you dress in a way that attracts attention and exhibits your body, or is your goal to honor God?

b. Diligently monitor what you watch. Most singles are much more attached to sensuality than they think. What do you watch on TV or cable? What do your eyes linger on while on Facebook. As you walk through your day, do you avert your eyes in moments of temptation, or do you steal a second glance? David writes in Psalm 101.3, "I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless." Can you say the same?

c. Ruthlessly guard what you ponder. As your lay in bed at night, or in the early morning hours, what do you allow your mind to dwell on? Is it thoughts of forbidden people, past encounters, fantasy settings? Or do you dwell on "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure ..." (Philippians 4. 8). Solomon writes in Proverbs 23.7, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is." What do you think on?

d. Zealously consider your patterns. For many, self-control is not lost in the "big" battles, but in the small skirmishes of each day. Here are some questions to expose your habits:

• Do you avoid suggestive or flirtatious conversations, even in jest?
• Are you careful about touching members of the opposite sex, even in seemingly "innocent" ways (like a backrub, or prolonged hug)?
• Have you acknowledged what the "difficult" times of the day are for you, and prepared accordingly (i.e. switching off your phone late at night to avoid surfing or texting; sitting in the front of class to avoid a wandering eye).

Let's end with the hope of the gospel. I know I need it (and so do you)!

Run, John, run, the law commands
But gives us neither feet nor hands,
Far better news the gospel brings:
It bids us fly and gives us wings
- See more at: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/07/27/run-john-run/#sthash.fJSTMWQF.dpuf

Run, John, run, the law commands,

But gives us neither feet nor hands.

Far grander news the gospel brings,

It bids us fly and gives us wings.

attributed to John Bunyan

  
John Bunyan hit the nail on the head with these verses. 

It often seems as if God asks the impossible. I mean, self-control in a sex-saturated culture?! Doesn't He realize what I am assaulted with every day, in my mind, in my flesh?!

How can God expect self-control? Its like asking me to fly!

Yes! The gospel asks you to fly, AND it gives you wings.

If you are a Christian, the Spirit of God is in you. That's right. In you. Right now. And that Spirit of God is a Spirit of self-control. 

This is not a hopeless battle. Jesus Christ entered into it for you, and gave Himself to pay for all your times (and my times) when self-control crashed and burned in pursuit of momentary pleasure. 

Despite all your past sins, present struggles, and future failures, you are forgiven!

Now, go live as one who is forgiven!

As you face temptation, you can say to it, "You have no power over me. If God is for me, nothing can be against me." And in that moment, you can, by the power of God, exercise self-control.

The key, as always, is simple - repent, and belive in the gospel.

So, go ahead, take hold of the gospel. Go fly.

Seven Truths for Struggling Singles (part 1 of 7)

“The reason why so many in the church aren’t single is 

they aren’t strong enough or devoted enough. God couldn’t trust them.”

That's an amazing quote! 

I'll be honest - I had always thought (when I was single) that the reason I was unmarried was simple - God couldn't trust me!

• He couldn't trust me with more commitment;
• He couldn't trust me with greater affection;
• He couldn't trust me with the next season of life.

But, what if ...

• What if my season of singleness was less of a punishment, and more of a privilege?
• What is singleness was less of a curse, and more of a call?
• What if God was not showing His lack of trust in me, but rather was entrusting me with a great gift?

Could it be that many (perhaps you!) view their singleness through the wrong set of lenses? That their understanding of their season of life is more influenced by Disney than Jesus?

So, let's step back. Let's consider what God has to say to those who are currently single, often struggling, usually wondering, and eagerly seeking good answers.

Here is Part 1 of seven things to consider if you're single and don't want to be:

1. You can learn contentment.

... I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4. 11-13

I know you probably already know this, but ... singles often dream about being married, and those who are married often dream about being single!

We all struggle with discontentment! As I read recently, "No matter your lot in life, it seems as if you're always a dollar short of getting exactly what you want." How true!

And, if nothing else, this should remind us that contentment has less to do with our situation (single, married, short, tall, slim, heavy, athletic, nerdy, etc), and more to do with our hearts. 

In fact, the Bible has alot to say about contentment ...
 

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, 

and to which God has called him.

1 Corinthians 7. 17

But godliness when accompanied by contentment is of great gain.

1 Timothy 6.6

It would not be overstating the matter to say this - you cannot thrive in your Christian life without contentment.

But, for many, contentment is an issue. Maybe THE issue. Is it for you?

• Do you wonder if God has forgotten you and your needs?
• Do you find it hard to be satisfied with what God has given you now?
• Do you question whether God really knows what He's doing? 

Let me let you in on a secret. During my season of singleness, I was afraid of being content. That's right, afraid! You know why? Because I thought if I told God I was content with being single, then He'd conclude I didn't want to get married.

That's right. You see, for me discontentment was actually a badge of honor. It was a sign that I wanted something more, something better.

Little did I know how exposed my heart was at that moment! 

Here's the real issue - I didn't trust that God was good. I didn't believe that Jesus was enough for any season of life (no matter how long or short). I thought that God was looking for any opportunity to withhold good things from me (and, in my sin, I wasn't going to let Him!).

Consider these words from Paul Tripp:

As pseudo-sovereigns, we hate waiting, disappointment, obstacles, and failure ... It is bad enough to have to endure pain, but as a believer you must say that it was not an accident and that it was sent by a God who declares Himself to be good!

To us, often God's order looks like disorder, and His wisdom looks like foolishness. God's lovingkindness often seems to be anything but loving, and definitely not kind. All of this has to do with one humbling thing that we all have to admit: as sinners, we want our way. We want life to work according to our plan ... And we want this because we are more concerned about comfort and ease than we are about the processes of grace that are at work in us.

That's why Paul's words in Philippians are so helpful:

• We can be content. Anytime. Anywhere.
• We can learn to be content. Anytime. Anywhere.
• The key is resting in Jesus, who can strengthen us for anything. Anytime. Anywhere.

So, here are some questions for you - 

1. Are you striving to learn contentment?
2. What excites you more - getting what you think you want, or gaining what you really need?
3. Are you eager to be content, or do you regularly fan the flame of discontentment in your life?
4. Do you trust that you can be content (right here, right now) because Jesus is enough?

 He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, 

how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?

Romans 8.32