Continuing With Attraction: The 5 Characteristics of a Godly Woman

Last week we began our study of Song of Solomon by considering the all-important issue of "attraction". We answered the question - what SHOULD an "attractive" man look like? - by looking at Job 29, and finding the 5 characteristics of a godly man.

Now, we turn to the characteristics of a godly woman.

In some ways, it's hard to find a description of an attractive woman in the Bible ... at least the way our culture defines attractive. Is she tall or petite, blonde or brunette, athletic or artsy?

Now, its not that the Bible is silent on the matter. Not at all! Its just that what God considers attractive is the exact opposite of what our culture values!

In fact, the only description in Song of Solomon of the desirable woman is, well, pretty humorous! If you don't believe me, just read SoS 7. 1-6. (Hint: its symbolic, and she really was beautiful to her lover ... but more on that in an upcoming post!)

The picture that emerges from God's Word is not one focused on physical beauty (which our culture incessantly dwells on), but on the beauty of character. Godly character. In fact, the Bible goes to great pains to warn men (and women) about the folly of focusing on outward beauty ...

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 

Proverbs 31.30

There is no clearer picture in all of Scripture of a godly, attractive woman than that found in Proverbs 31. And so, it is to that passage that we now turn our attention (again, its long, but well worth the read) ...

¹⁰  An excellent wife who can find?
    She is far more precious than jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
    and he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good, and not harm,
    all the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
    and works with willing hands.
¹⁴ She is like the ships of the merchant;
    she brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She rises while it is yet night
    and provides food for her household
    and portions for her maidens.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She dresses herself with strength
    and makes her arms strong.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
    Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ She puts her hands to the distaff,
    and her hands hold the spindle.
²⁰ She opens her hand to the poor
    and reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes bed coverings for herself;
    her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates
    when he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them;
    she delivers sashes to the merchant.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
    and she laughs at the time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women have done excellently,
    but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
    and let her works praise her in the gates.

1. A godly woman is trustworthy, and is committed to her husband's good and honor (vs. 11-12). She handles what has been entrusted to her with great care and diligence, whether it be her room, her body, her relationships, or her tasks. Sh dresses modestly, yet beautifully, in a way that would honor her husband (either her husband now, or in the future) - she does not seek to entice men or draw attention to herself, but dresses in a way that reflects her confidence and security as a woman of God.  A godly woman is committed to honoring those whose authority she is under, and also believes the best of her leaders. She refrains from talking about others behind their backs, and refuses to be a source of gossip, or its easy destination. When her husband is absent, he knows that when his wife is speaking of him, she is speaking words of honor and trust.

2. A godly woman is resourceful and diligent (vs. 13-19, 24-25, 27). You could say that she is hard-working, but a godly woman is more than that. She handles with diligence what has been entrusted to her by the Lord. A godly woman does not complain that she is overwhelmed, is not a victim to her emotions, but seeks a godly balance in her life. And ... she is also resourceful. She refrains from "spinning her wheels" or wondering what might have been, or dwelling on "if only..." thoughts. She's not just waiting for the "right man" to come along and rescue her, but is busy with the tasks before her, intent on honoring the Lord where she is.

3. A godly woman is merciful and kind (v. 20). When she enters a room it brightens, not darkens! She loves to be an encourager, and to give life to those around her. The natural position of her face is that of a smile, not a frown. A godly woman is tender to others, and treats those who are different (or indifferent) with honor, charity, respect, and grace. She has a special place in her affections for the underdog and the needy, and loves to shower with grace those who could never repay her.

4. A godly woman is fearless and hopeful (vs. vs. 21-25). Her emotions are not out-of-control, always dominating what she says or does. She doesn't live by fear or worry about the future, but has an implicit trust in God, His goodness, and His care. A godly woman is not waiting for life to happen to her, or for her dreams to come true, but actively trusts and works with what the Lord has given her, where He has placed her.

5. A godly woman is wise and worthy of praise (vs. 26-31). Those around her, without much prompting, praise and bless her for her hard work, good character, and words of wisdom. She brings to others an aroma of life and joy. When a godly woman is not around, people miss her! She is a woman of whom her husband would be eager to say, "I could have had another wife, but I am so grateful to God that He gave me you. You excel them all."

Wow! Now that's an attractive woman!

But before we get to application, an important item of note. Here's a question that often arises in a discussion of godly womanhood - is physical beauty irrelevant? The simple answer is, of course, "no." The Bible never disregards physical beauty. Rather, it cautions men and women to see if for it is - a fleeting condition that may blind one to long-lasting issues that really matter.

Just to be clear - when a man is considering a woman, she should be physically and sexually attractive to him (see Proverbs 5. 18-19). 

But ... a man has to realize that the world is chock-full of sexually attractive woman who would make his life miserable. Which is why the Bible is clear: although sexual chemistry is necessary for a good marriage, it is NOT sufficient (again, read Proverbs 31.30).

Let's be honest - both the man's and woman's body will age! The apostle Paul put it bluntly when he wrote, "The outer man is decaying... " (2 Cor. 4.16). If a relationship is primarily based on outward attraction, it will fade and sag as surely as any pretty face. BUT if it is based on the attraction of a godly character, it will grow and flourish and increase as the years pass ("... but the inner person is being renewed day by day").

In fact, as a man focuses on what God considers attractive, it becomes the lens through which he is able to view others. As he renews his mind according to God's Word (Romans 12. 2), women whom the world considers unattractive suddenly become overwhelming enticing in his eyes!

And, ladies, here's the promise - as you focus on the inner beauty of a godly character, you will become immensely attractive!

Now, on to application ...

Ladies - are you working right now to become a godly woman? Are your energies directed toward your outward beauty, or your inner character? When you leave your room or house in the morning, do you spend more time on your outward appearance, or the inner and "imperishable" beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit?

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

1 Peter 3. 3-4

Men -  are you longing for, and praying that, God will bring into your life a godly woman? Are you disciplining your eyes and heart to view women through the lens of God's Word, rather than what the images of media would preach? As your eyes wander on campus, in the classroom, at the workplace, or NFL broadcasts, are you training yourself to say, with conviction and hope ... "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised"?

But ... how can we do this? Is there actually hope for people like us, who are attracted to all the wrong things? Who constantly evaluate by shallow standards, and ignore the deeper issues that really matter?

Yes there is!

Perhaps you remember the childhood story The Ugly Duckling (by Hans Christian Andersen)? A little duckling, ugly and rejected by the other creatures, matures over the years into a beautiful & graceful swan.

I love that story. You know why?


It reminds me of the gospel of Jesus.


Jesus, the most beautiful of all, became ugly (see Isaiah 53.2-3) so that we could become beautiful. 

For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He beautifies the humble with salvation.

Psalm 149.4

What great promise! What great hope! Jesus can take the most unattractive person - stained with sin, shame, and guilt - and beautify them with salvation.

As we rest on Jesus, He changes ugly ducklings into noble swans, sinners into saints, and "ordinary" men and women into those transformed and made beautiful by the gospel.

We must have the glory sink into us before it can be reflected from us. In deep inward beholding we must have Christ in our hearts, that He may shine forth in beauty from our lives.  

Alexander MacLaren

Have you beheld the glory of Jesus in the gospel? Has His glory sunk into you?

As it does, you'll see the world's view of attraction for what it is - shiny wrapping on cheap candy. 

AND you'll see the promise of godly attraction - beautiful treasures in jars of clay.