The 5 Characteristics of a Godly Man

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

For your love is better than wine;

You anointing oils are fragrant;

Your name is oil poured out;

Therefore virgins love you.

Draw me after you; let us run ...

Song of Solomon 1.2-4

Solomon's song, written so long ago, speaks powerfully today.

In the midst of so much confusion about love & romance, God's Word breaks through with disarming grace and refreshing truth.

So, lets talk about ... attraction. 

Now, we all know what normally attracts someone to the opposite sex:

* A MAN is often attracted to woman by her physical appearance, the amount of attention she pays to him (you know, how she smiles at just the right time, looks at him just a bit longer than others do, laughs at his jokes), and how he feels about himself by being around her.

* A WOMAN is often attracted to a man who pays attention to her, and makes her feel, you know, special. Even beautiful. Depending on her personality and upbringing, she may be attracted to a strong personality (someone who can lead her), or a "nice guy" (someone with whom she can feel safe).

This is "normal" attraction. It's the stuff of movies and song lyrics. It's the story-line for romance novels and Facebook posts. But - is it "right"? Is it "healthy"?



In the opening verses of Song of Solomon, we hear the woman speaking about what attracted her to Solomon. She boldly exclaims, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth"? What makes a woman so desire the intimacy and affection of a man?

What's startling is that we don't know many things about Solomon (was he handsome, or athletic; did he have a sense of humor?). BUT what we do know is this: she considers it a privilege to be pursued by him, and thinks that other women should be jealous of her ("therefore virgins love you"). She considers him sweet and precious ("your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out")!

So ... what does an attractive man look like? Does he have an athletic build? Is he the life of the party? Is he a sharp dresser, or an intellectual giant?

For our answer, let's look at five characteristics of a godly man from a portion of Scripture that (perhaps) was in Solomon's mind as he crafted his song.

Let's consider Job 29 (it's somewhat long, but well worth the read)...

And Job again took up his discourse, and said:

² “Oh, that I were as in the months of old,
    as in the days when God watched over me,
³ when his lamp shone upon my head,
    and by his light I walked through darkness,
⁴ as I was in my prime,
    when the friendship of God was upon my tent,
⁵ when the Almighty was yet with me,
    when my children were all around me,
⁶ when my steps were washed with butter,
    and the rock poured out for me streams of oil!
⁷ When I went out to the gate of the city,
    when I prepared my seat in the square,
⁸ the young men saw me and withdrew,
    and the aged rose and stood;
⁹ the princes refrained from talking
    and laid their hand on their mouth;
¹⁰ the voice of the nobles was hushed,
    and their tongue stuck to the roof of their mouth.
¹¹ When the ear heard, it called me blessed,
    and when the eye saw, it approved,
¹² because I delivered the poor who cried for help,
    and the fatherless who had none to help him.
¹³ The blessing of him who was about to perish came upon me,
    and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
¹⁴ I put on righteousness, and it clothed me;
    my justice was like a robe and a turban.
¹⁵ I was eyes to the blind
    and feet to the lame.
¹⁶ I was a father to the needy,
    and I searched out the cause of him whom I did not know.
¹⁷ I broke the fangs of the unrighteous
    and made him drop his prey from his teeth.
¹⁸ Then I thought, ‘I shall die in my nest,
    and I shall multiply my days as the sand,
¹⁹ my roots spread out to the waters,
    with the dew all night on my branches,
²⁰ my glory fresh with me,
    and my bow ever new in my hand.’

²¹ “Men listened to me and waited
    and kept silence for my counsel.
²² After I spoke they did not speak again,
    and my word dropped upon them.
²³ They waited for me as for the rain,
    and they opened their mouths as for the spring rain.
²⁴ I smiled on them when they had no confidence,
    and the light of my face they did not cast down.
²⁵ I chose their way and sat as chief,
    and I lived like a king among his troops,
    like one who comforts mourners.

1. A godly man is a man of God (vs. 1-4). Not nominally, or "officially", but really. A godly man doesn't just punch his ticket at church or Bible study; rather, the "friendship of God" is upon his tent (vs. 4). You can almost see him growing! He has a passion for the things of God. Despite all of his flaws and failures, this man is repenting more easily, confessing more deeply, and pursuing God more doggedly than many of his peers.

2. A godly man loves children (vs. 5). In Job's context, we see this man of God surrounded by his children. He doesn't merely endure them; he's moved past being amused by them, or annoyed with them. His vision of life extends beyond fitting children into his life later so that his best years are spent in pursuit of his pleasures and dreams. A godly man sees children as being critical to a vision of life, and what it means to raise up the next generation. In fact, he is always looking beyond himself, investing in others for the sake of Christ's kingdom.

3. A godly man has earned the respect of others (vs. 6-11). This is critical - what do others say about him? As older, mature Christians consider him, what is their opinion? What do his roommates, his employer, his professors, his friends think of him? Is he just part of the crowd, or does he stand out for his character? Do others want to spend time with him because his influence and friendship is vital and precious, or is he just easy to "hang" with? You see, to marry a man you can respect, you have to marry a respectable man.

4. A godly man is a man of mercy & kindness (vs. 12-17). He doesn't wait to be asked to serve; rather, he eagerly looks for opportunities. He is quick with an encouraging word. A godly man is tender and gentle, not harsh or easily stirred to anger. When his passion is stirred, it is on behalf of the oppressed, the "weaker vessels." Rather than building his ego through flirting or boasting, he longs to build others up with the courage of the gospel.

5. A godly man speaks and lives wisdom (vs. 21-24). He has taken the portion of God's kingdom entrusted to him (whether it be a room, a job, a class, or a relationship) and has endeavored to rule it well & wisely for God's honor and glory. A godly man knows how to read, and what to read, as he seeks to grow in knowledge. Consequently, others come to him for counsel - they may not always like what they hear, but they have trouble disagreeing with its wisdom.


What a vision for godly manhood! Verse 25 of Job's discourse sums it up well - he "lived like a king among his troops". This man is a leader, one to whom his family could look for emotional, spiritual, and physical leadership. He is a man any woman would be glad to respect, help, admire, and love.

What is the woman's response to this godly man? "Draw me after you, let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." (SoS 1. 4) As she reflects on how privileged she is to love this man of God, she longs to be with him, to submit to him, to enjoy him.

So, let's apply this lesson:

Ladies - is this the kind of man you are looking for? Is this the kind of man you are filling your dreams and desires with, or have you settled for what our culture easily passes off as a "good catch"? Are you praying that the kind of man that God says is attractive becomes increasingly attractive to you?

Men - is this the kind of man you long to be? More than hoping for a beautiful wife, are you laboring now to be a godly man, the kind of man that any godly woman would desire?

Of course, the hope for any godly man, or any discerning woman, is not in themselves. Our hope is clearly and unashamedly in the gospel of Jesus. 

Jesus is the true Lover of our lives, hearts, and souls. He was attractive far beyond all conceptions of attraction. But (and here's the wonder of it all), He gave it all up for me. And for you.

... he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,

    and no beauty that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men;
    a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
    he was despised, and we esteemed him not.         

Isaiah 53. 2-3

Jesus died to make us beautiful in God's sight. That's right - the most attractive One in all creation became unattractive, so that we might become gorgeous before God, completely forgiven, declared righteous in His sight.

And until your security is solidly built on Jesus, until you first see yourself as beautiful in His sight, you will be drawn to fleeting romance, cheap affection, and shallow attraction.

“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.”

Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye

May you be attracted to the affection of Christ and love of God. And may it transform you as you behold it.