Whether at school, church, the dinner table, the dorm room, or any number of situations and circumstances, it was highly unpleasant, somewhat unexpected, and instantly regrettable.
In fact some of you may, even now, be experiencing it (and wishing it would quickly end).
Conflict.
It's a fact of life. At least this side of glory!
Some of us will do anything to avoid it, while some of us love the challenge. But most of us feel sorely equipped to deal with it.
But consider these questions ...
Can God really redeem conflict, or do we just have to endure it? In other words, does the Bible gives us any hope and any tools to understand & deal with conflict? Is it possible, in the midst of a "fight", to honor God, and emerge from it with a deeper love & unity than before?
Yes! Absolutely, yes!
The apostle Paul's words in Philippians 4 gives us five steps to encourage and equip us in the fight for unity.
The context is a brewing conflict between two co-laborers of Paul - Eudoia and Syntyche. As Paul closes his letter, he gives valuable instructions to the church on redeeming conflict.
2 I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. 3 Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Five Steps to Redeeming Conflict
1. Rejoice in the Lord. Always. (vs. 4)
Now, I know what you're thinking. Rejoice IN conflict? Impossible. I mean, rejoice in lack of conflict - yes! Rejoice after conflict is settled - yes! But rejoice IN conflict?!
Yes! And in case we didn't understand the apostle the first time he writes this command, he repeats himself " ... again I will say, rejoice."
And note the other qualifier embedded in this command - always. "Rejoice in the Lord always..." And "always" means ... always!
- In every situation
- At all times
- No matter what your emotions might be
- God is in control;
- All things are working together for good
- God's perfect plan is to use all things and all situations to make you and I more like Jesus.
Yes, we CAN rejoice. As always, perspective is everything. So, cast your gaze beyond the situation, let it rest on the faithful, powerful plan and work of God and ... rejoice.
2. Let your reasonableness show. (vs. 5)
Reasonableness. Gentleness. Large-heartedness. Kindness. Generosity of spirit.
It's the opposite of rudeness, irritability, abrasiveness, impatience.
The command is clear. As your mind is renewed, as you consider God's gracious and sovereign plan, as you root your joy in His work and not your predicament:
- Believe the best about the other person.
- Treat the other person as you would want to be treated.
- As Jesus has treated you in your conflict with Him, so treat another.
And NOTE - its not just an inward, hidden attitude. Paul is clear - let it show! Let it be known to everyone. Move toward the other person. Speak kindly and gently. Be generous and patient.
3. Replace anxiety with prayer. (vs. 6-7)
The apostle knows us all too well! In the midst of conflict, we spend a great deal of time focused on unhelpful things - how much we have been hurt, what the other person said/did, what they deserve, etc.
Thus, his counsel is so wise - instead of stewing on the conflict, pray!
Isn't it funny? In the middle of a fight, its the one thing I most need to do, but its also the one thing I am most inclined to avoid!
And NOTE that our prayers should be filled with thanksgiving. As we pray, we should ...
- Thank God for the privilege of being entrusted with this situation.
- Thank God that He is in control, and that ALL things are working together for good.
- Thank God that we have the honor of imaging Jesus in a difficult time.
4. Tell yourself a different story. (v. 8)
When conflict comes, it often looms large in our eyes. It tends to dominate life, and colors the way we view things. We often focus on the negative, exaggerate the offense, make much of the hurt, and minimize points of actual agreement.
If you are like me at all, the more I focus on the conflict, the bigger it becomes (at least in my own mind)!
The apostle shifts our normal tendencies here. Paul says that when conflict arises, deliberately think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable about the person and the situation.
It will often be hard, but not impossible. Hence the repetition of "whatever...". Strenuously look for evidences of grace, search hard for things to commend.
He who seeks good finds good, but evil comes to him who searches for it.
Proverbs 11.27
As the conflict stirs the thoughts and passions, counterbalance your natural inclination to dwell on what is wrong and divisive, and instead force yourself to dwell on what is good and praiseworthy.
5. Practice what you've learned. (vs. 9)
Honoring the Lord through conflict is not a one-time event. And its never learned in a moment.
In any given conflict, I have had to practice, practice, practice. Sometimes multiple times in a day. Often multiple times in a conversation!
Paul models a man who has learned these things through the school of repetition ...
- As the conflict over his imprisonment, and the rumors about him, begin to swirl, Paul practices the fight for unity (read Phil. 1. 12-14).
- As the conflict over those who seem to be preaching Jesus out of wrong motives threatens the peace of the church, Paul practices the fight for unity (read Phil. 1. 15-18)
- As he faced conflict of those who. though within the church, were walking as enemies of the cross, Paul practices the fight for unity (read Phil. 3. 17-21).
That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time ... God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.
CS Lewis, Mere Christianity
As God puts Paul in the school of conflict, the apostle (by the grace of God) passes the test. So can you.
Practice, practice, practice.
Real Hope in the Fight for Unity
The currency of forgiveness is nails and wood.
Martin Luther
Fighting for unity is hard. Persevering in the midst of conflict seems at times ... well, almost impossible.
What can enable us to rejoice, to move toward the other person, to pray without worry, to keep practicing?
Only the gospel.
Do you know
that God Himself engages in conflict? In fact, the storyline of the Bible is of
God entering into conflict in order to save and redeem a people for Himself.
How did He
do it? Thru the person and work of Jesus.
13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility 15 by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, 16 and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. Ephesians 2. 13-16
On the cross of Jesus, the
biggest, most dangerous conflict we ever had was met and solved. If you are a Christian, you NOW have peace with God (see Romans 5.1). Thus, as Christians, what unites
us is infinitely greater than what could ever divide us.
Your greatest battle has been won for you. Therefore, no other battle can ever really sink you! If God is for you, then who can be against you? So ... engage in what God has put before you. Rejoice. Pray with thanksgiving. Display gentleness. Tell yourself a different story.
And practice.
Amazing post, Mark! Thanks so much!
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