Life in the Trenches: Finding True Love

NOTE: Dan Trafford is a great friend, beloved brother, and godly young man. A senior at East Stroudsburg University, he is an influential leader for Christ on campus. His reflection, Life in the Trenches, is deep and stirring. It comes from the heart of a man who is painfully aware of the struggle in following hard after Christ, yet eager to grab hold of all that the gospel offers. It is a privilege that he is guest-posting on my blog. Enjoy!

Where there is love, there is life.

Mahatma Ghandi

Our hearts long for it. Often.

We write poems about it. We dream about it. We spend countless hours thinking about it, budgeting for it, and fantasizing over it.

For most of us, getting it is our deepest desire.

True love.

But for many - whether single, dating, or married - love often feels more like living in a trench than gaining a long-awaited prize. We often find desire turning into disappointment, and fantasies becoming follies.

Is there actually a love that will fill us the way we always dreamed it would? Join me as we look to find true love.

In World War II, "trench warfare" broke out on the Western front when the German army refused to lose any more ground. They decided to "dig in" and prevent the Allied forces from advancing. Both sides came to a stalemate on the front lines and spent long days & nights trying to avoid enemy bullets and artillery fire.

Life in the trenches was "hell": wearisome, grueling, and hopeless.

Many singles find themselves in trench warfare. Life often seems like a battlefield. They crawl into their beds at night ... alone. They walk through their days ... discouraged. Theoretically, singles are fine with being single - they are eager to trust God, and willing to rest in His timing. But ... life in the trenches is hard! The loneliness is real, the warfare intense. Single soften struggle with the lie - "Once I find the 'right' one, life will be good."

Life as a single can often seem like trench warfare - wearisome, grueling, and hopeless.

Many who are dating also find themselves in trench warfare. They are "committed" ... but not really. They are "united", but without the joy of "marital union." They lie in bed at night, wondering why they still feel alone. They feed on the dream that once they are married, life will be good.

Life while dating can often seem like trench warfare - wearisome, grueling, and hopeless.

Many who are married find themselves in trench warfare. The dream is achieved, the ring is sized and fitted, but ... "this is it?" Many lie in bed at night, married, yet alone. Marriage isn't all that they thought it would be - physical intimacy isn't the answer to loneliness, and servant-like love requires hard labor and selfless devotion.

Life being married can often seem like trench warfare - wearisome, grueling, and hopeless.

You're the Lord of all creation

And still you know my heart.

The Author of salvation,

You've loved us from the start.

"Waiting Here For You"

Life in the trenches can seem unbearable. Unbearable, that is, until you get a view from the high ground.

The gospel of Jesus gives us such a view.

The Scriptures remind us that true love is not essentially a fanciful dream, an unquenched long, or a bitter memory.

Rather, true love is a Person. A Person who came and met us at our worst, and loved us with His best. A Person who saw beyond our crass cravings to our deep desires, who looked beneath our selfish fears to our noble hopes. A Person who went into the trenches with us, fought the battle for us, took the bullet we deserved, and died a wearisome, grueling death in our place.

Yes, this True Love literally went to hell for His beloved, so that life in the trenches would never have the same sting again.

True love is Jesus.

So, when you feel the loneliness of the trench, when you sense the weight of the battle, remember - you already have what you deeply long for. A true love that will never fade, never abandon, never dismay.

Never will I leave you or forsake you.

Hebrews 13.5 

Fighting for Unity: Five Steps to Redeeming Conflict

We've all been in it, far too often.

Whether at school, church, the dinner table, the dorm room, or any number of situations and circumstances, it was highly unpleasant, somewhat unexpected, and instantly regrettable.

In fact some of you may, even now, be experiencing it (and wishing it would quickly end).

Conflict.

It's a fact of life. At least this side of glory!

Some of us will do anything to avoid it, while some of us love the challenge. But most of us feel sorely equipped to deal with it.

But consider these questions ...

Can God really redeem conflict, or do we just have to endure it? In other words, does the Bible gives us any hope and any tools to understand & deal with conflict? Is it possible, in the midst of a "fight", to honor God, and emerge from it with a deeper love & unity than before?

Yes! Absolutely, yes!

The apostle Paul's words in Philippians 4 gives us five steps to encourage and equip us in the fight for unity. 

The context is a brewing conflict between two co-laborers of Paul - Eudoia and Syntyche. As Paul closes his letter, he gives valuable instructions to the church on redeeming conflict.

² I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. ³ Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Five Steps to Redeeming Conflict

1. Rejoice in the Lord. Always. (vs. 4)

Now, I know what you're thinking. Rejoice IN conflict? Impossible. I mean, rejoice in lack of conflict - yes! Rejoice after conflict is settled - yes! But rejoice IN conflict?!

Yes! And in case we didn't understand the apostle the first time he writes this command, he repeats himself " ... again I will say, rejoice."

And note the other qualifier embedded in this command - always. "Rejoice in the Lord always..." And "always" means ... always!

• In every situation
• At all times
• No matter what your emotions might be

Just so we are clear, this is different than the command to be "happy". Joy is deeper, more foundational. You see, you CAN rejoice, even in the midst of bitter conflict that ...

• God is in control;
• All things are working together for good
• God's perfect plan is to use all things and all situations to make you and I more like Jesus.

If you don't believe me, read Romans 8. 28-31.

Yes, we CAN rejoice. As always, perspective is everything. So, cast your gaze beyond the situation, let it rest on the faithful, powerful plan and work of God and ... rejoice.


2. Let your reasonableness show. (vs. 5)

Reasonableness. Gentleness. Large-heartedness. Kindness. Generosity of spirit.

It's the opposite of rudeness, irritability, abrasiveness, impatience.

The command is clear. As your mind is renewed, as you consider God's gracious and sovereign plan, as you root your joy in His work and not your predicament:

• Believe the best about the other person.
• Treat the other person as you would want to be treated.
• As Jesus has treated you in your conflict with Him, so treat another.

Why? Because "the Lord is at hand."  In every conflict between two people, there is always a third party. The Lord Himself. The One who covered your sins and transgressions, the One who "did not treat us as our sins deserved" (Psalm 103. 10-14) is present.

And NOTE - its not just an inward, hidden attitude. Paul is clear - let it show! Let it be known to everyone. Move toward the other person. Speak kindly and gently. Be generous and patient.


3. Replace anxiety with prayer. (vs. 6-7)

The apostle knows us all too well! In the midst of conflict, we spend a great deal of time focused on unhelpful things - how much we have been hurt, what the other person said/did, what they deserve, etc.

Thus, his counsel is so wise - instead of stewing on the conflict, pray!

Isn't it funny? In the middle of a fight, its the one thing I most need to do, but its also the one thing I am most inclined to avoid!

And NOTE that our prayers should be filled with thanksgiving. As we pray, we should ...

• Thank God for the privilege of being entrusted with this situation.
• Thank God that He is in control, and that ALL things are working together for good.
• Thank God that we have the honor of imaging Jesus in a difficult time.

4. Tell yourself a different story. (v. 8)

When conflict comes, it often looms large in our eyes. It tends to dominate life, and colors the way we view things. We often focus on the negative, exaggerate the offense, make much of the hurt, and minimize points of actual agreement.

If you are like me at all, the more I focus on the conflict, the bigger it becomes (at least in my own mind)!

The apostle shifts our normal tendencies here. Paul says that when conflict arises, deliberately think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable about the person and the situation.

It will often be hard, but not impossible. Hence the repetition of "whatever...". Strenuously look for evidences of grace, search hard for things to commend.

He who seeks good finds good, but evil comes to him who searches for it.

Proverbs 11.27

As the conflict stirs the thoughts and passions, counterbalance your natural inclination to dwell on what is wrong and divisive, and instead force yourself to dwell on what is good and praiseworthy.


5. Practice what you've learned. (vs. 9)

Honoring the Lord through conflict is not a one-time event. And its never learned in a moment.

In any given conflict, I have had to practice, practice, practice. Sometimes multiple times in a day. Often multiple times in a conversation!

Paul models a man who has learned these things through the school of repetition ...

• As the conflict over his imprisonment, and the rumors about him, begin to swirl, Paul practices the fight for unity (read Phil. 1. 12-14).
• As the conflict over those who seem to be preaching Jesus out of wrong motives threatens the peace of the church, Paul practices the fight for unity (read Phil. 1. 15-18)
• As he faced conflict of those who. though within the church, were walking as enemies of the cross, Paul practices the fight for unity (read Phil. 3. 17-21).

And even now, as Paul languishes in prison, God is not done with him yet.

That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time ... God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.

CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

As God puts Paul in the school of conflict, the apostle (by the grace of God) passes the test. So can you.

Practice, practice, practice.

Real Hope in the Fight for Unity

The currency of forgiveness is nails and wood.

Martin Luther

Fighting for unity is hard. Persevering in the midst of conflict seems at times ... well, almost impossible. 

What can enable us to rejoice, to move toward the other person, to pray without worry, to keep practicing?

Only the gospel.

Do you know that God Himself engages in conflict? In fact, the storyline of the Bible is of God entering into conflict in order to save and redeem a people for Himself.

Hos goal? Gaining for Himself great glory by purchasing a people for His own, and transferring them from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light SO THAT they would no longer be enemies, but friends.

How did He do it? Thru the person and work of Jesus. 

¹³ But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. ¹⁴ For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility ¹⁵ by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, ¹⁶ and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.                                                      Ephesians 2. 13-16

On the cross of Jesus, the biggest, most dangerous conflict we ever had was met and solved. If you are a Christian, you NOW have peace with God (see Romans 5.1). Thus, as Christians, what unites us is infinitely greater than what could ever divide us.

Your greatest battle has been won for you. Therefore, no other battle can ever really sink you! If God is for you, then who can be against you? So ... engage in what God has put before you. Rejoice. Pray with thanksgiving. Display gentleness. Tell yourself a different story. 

And practice.

Game-Player or World-Changer? 4 Marks of a Transformed Man

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile, This day shall gentle his condition: And gentlemen in England now a-bed Shall think themselves accursed they were not here, And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day. 

Henry V, Shakespeare

 The choice for every man is clear - invest his life in what matters, or spend his days in what fades. Or, to use Shakespeare's image, to shed blood in a noble cause, or lie drowsily (and fearfully) "a-bed".

History is built upon the courageous shoulders (and redeemed hearts) of men who have resisted the siren song of trivial amusements, and heeded the bracing call of godly virtue.

The choice is clear - playing games for the moment, or producing fruit for eternity.

Sadly, its easy for men to find that their lives are nothing more than playing games. Intense games. Fun games. Athletic games. Electronic games. Games with relationships. Games with careers. Adult, approved-by-culture, winning-the-applause-of-many games. 

But games, nonetheless.

Years ago, the words of Jesus stopped me dead in my game-playing tracks ...

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord', will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'

Matthew 7. 21-23

Chilling, isn't it?  

To find out at the last day that your involvement with Christianity was less about allegiance, and more about activity. That it was more about "you" than it ever was about "Him". That you were more a "fan" than you ever were a "follower".

Want to know what is tragic? To find out that your life was a game, a game that you eventually lost. In fact, the word "tragic" does not even begin to describe that condition.

Thankfully, God's Word gives us key markers to avoid the alluring deception of game-playing, and press toward the reality of real transformation. 

It helps us answer the question - am I a game-player, or a world-changer?

For this we turn to the prophet Isaiah.

In the life of Isaiah, let's consider THE momentous event of his life, and how it radically shaped his understanding of himself, the Lord, and his mission in the world.

The setting is, well, dramatic. Isaiah goes to the Temple (as usual). But on this particular day, he meets the last person he really ever expected to meet in worship - God! The encounter was life-changing, and world-changing ...

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. ³ And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!”

⁴ And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. ⁵ And I said: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!”

⁶ Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ And he touched my mouth and said: “Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for.”

⁸ And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here I am! Send me.”

 Isaiah 6. 1-8

Four Marks of a Transformed Man

1. You have a more astonishing view of the Lord than you ever thought possible.

Why was Isaiah so radically impacted that day? Surely he "knew" God. In fact, he was a prophet of the Lord, representing the interests of God to a rebellious generation. If anyone shouldn't have been surprised by the Lord, surely it was Isaiah!

But in this passage, we see him ... overwhelmed! Every prior category in which the Lord had been contained in the mind & life of Isaiah was exploded.  As he lay trembling at the threshold of the temple, he saw a scene more astonishing that he ever thought possible.

As the holiness of the Lord was declared by the seraphim, as His glory over the whole earth was pronounced, every portion of the formidable Temple shook. For Isaiah, God was no longer the One who had merely called him, no longer the One to whom the nation owed its service. Rather, this was the holy-holy-holy God over all the universe.

Let me ask you - has the person and character of God astonished you recently? This is more than intellectual interest, or passive praise. This is astonishment! 

As you consider the Word of God and the works of God, do you sense you are a mere midget in the presence of colossal other-worldly greatness?


2. You have a deeper awareness of your own sin than you have ever admitted.

Only one thing in the Temple that day trembled more than the foundations of the thresholds. Isaiah!

As Isaiah encounters the absolute splendor and holiness of God his immediate reaction is one of despair. "Woe is me ... I am lost..." Consider the words of Charles Spurgeon:

“Then said I, woe is me!” All God’s saints do this when they get a view of him. There was never a boastful thought in any man’s mind in the presence of God. They that talk of their own purity have not known God, neither seen him. How could they! This is the cry of all the purified when they come into the presence of God.

Even the lips of Isaiah - those lips that were used to speak of the Lord to His people - were viewed in a new light. Unclean! All boasting was gone, all preening ceased, all self-adulation was arrested. Isaiah had seen the "King, the Lord of hosts", and it had "undone" him.

Brothers, have you been ever undone by the Lord?

Have you come to the point of admitting that all of your failures, as well as all of your successes, wither in comparison to the absolute standards of a holy God?

Are you eager to have your sin exposed, or do you still play the game of blaming, excusing, rationalizing, and avoiding? And, when it is exposed, do you rejoice (see Proverbs 9.8, 15.31).

Do you by faith embrace this admission - "I am worse than I could ever imagine?" If so, rejoice - the transformation has begun!


3. You have a richer view of forgiveness than you ever imagined.

The transition between Isaiah's guilt and the Lord's forgiveness is almost instantaneous.

Note the progress in verses 5 & 6. Isaiah confesses his sin, and immediately an angel flies to him, bringing the fire of God (note that even the angel uses tongs because he cannot touch the fire and live!).

The judgment of God touches Isaiah's lips and ... he is cleansed!

Atonement has been made. Guilt has been pardoned. Forgiveness has been extended. Justice has been met! The needed sacrifice has been made, and the sins of God's people are covered!

Amazing! At the instant of Isaiah's most humbling admission of utter guilt is his most astounding experience of utter forgiveness.

Brothers, do you know the reality of complete forgiveness? Are you resting in the knowledge that you are both deeply known (through and through) and deeply loved (over and beyond), at the same time?

Do you regularly struggle with guilt  and shame, or have you learned to sing the song of gospel freedom ...

My sin, O the bliss of this glorious thought,

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more!

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It Is Well With My Soul

4. You have a fuller commitment to service than you ever dreamed.

Isaiah's response to his life-changing encounter with the holiness of God, the wretchedness of his own sin, and the astonishment of complete forgiveness is nothing short of amazing.

"Here am I. Send me!" 

He doesn't know the task before him. He has no idea of the scope or demands of the job. He hasn't run a cost-benefit analysis. In fact, Isaiah knows nothing more (and nothing less) than what is absolutely essential for any world-changer - God has forgiven him completely, and now God invites Him graciously to be part of the task of reaching the world. 

In that moment, the "needs" of Isaiah fade into the background. His interests lose their ... interest. And the agenda and glory of God emerge to dominate his life.

And, just so we are clear - if you were to read further in Isaiah 6 you would see that the task before Isaiah was formidable. No one would ever listen to him. No one would ever understand. Isaiah would be God's instrument of judgment to a rebellious nation.

Isaiah, that's the job. Still want it? "Here am I. Send me!"

Brothers, has the reality of the gospel transformed your life? Are you living in the claustrophobic world of self-protection and self-interest, or have you broken through to the world of selfless abandon and radical sacrifice?

As you think about the future, is your mind more dominated by issues of comfort, success, and security, or have you entrusted yourself to a God who calls the unlikely to do the unbelievable?

Have you put aside the games that so easily preoccupy our minds and sap our energies, and are you eagerly (and fanatically) embracing every opportunity to lose your life for the sake of the gospel?

A final (and much-needed) word about hope. 

The hope for the godly man is never found within. It is never attained through self-effort or self-discipline. No amount of sweat nor tears can achieve it.

At least not ours.

Isaiah's hope was found outside of him. As it is with us.

Centuries after Isaiah's time there was another earthquake. There was another disruption in the Temple. There was another man undone by sin and impending judgment.

Jesus, the perfectly righteous One, took upon Himself all the sin of His people. When He died upon the cross the earth shook, the curtain of the Temple was torn in two (see Matthew 26).

And the guilty were set free. Free to confess, free to embrace, free to serve.

Brothers, rest on Jesus as your only hope. Let Him free you from the tyranny of small games, and equip you for the freedom of changing the world, one life at a time.